The Attack of Wend'elle
by ToiletFacility
Summary: A reluctant Alex is sent on another mission. This time, it's with an insanely beautiful, fiery, talented girl, who of course, isn't a Mary Sue. Oneshot Parody!


**After checking through The Hexagon, I decided that I had left a kind of Mary-Sue untouched- the spunky kind. **

**You know the stories where Alex meets the girl and hates her because of her obnoxious, overconfident attitude? Then he loves her for some reason, even though she's a total bitch who's always at his throat? (yeah, because that's how it _always_ goes in real life) And, for some reason she always has a boy's name?**

**This is one of those stories. Not for people with heart conditions or high blood pressure. Enjoy!**

'You. Have. Got. To. Be. Freaking. Kidding.' Alex snarled through clenched teeth.

'Alex, we are perfectly serious.' intoned Blunt. 'You _will _do this mission. I trust Jane is doing well?'

Blunt was fully aware that Alex's guardian's name was Jack, and Alex knew it. He felt a hot bubble of fury rise inside him. This was not happening. He wouldn't allow it.

'Oh, and I forgot to mention, you'll be working with a partner this time. She should be here any moment now.' said Mrs. Jones sympathetically.

'A partner? _She?_ You're undoubtedly sending me to my death, with a _bloody partner_! Do you not remember what happened last time?' Alex was close to yelling. Blunt opened his mouth to give another curt reply, when some cheesy music started playing somewhere in the background. Suddenly, a black-clad, ninja-like figure floated elegantly through the window, dragging an elegant silk parachute behind her. Her face was covered by a loose balaclava, which she hastily ripped off and threw down on the ground.

'No way, you filthy heartless crone! I AM NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, GOING TO WORK FOR YOU!' she yelled.

Alex was impressed. Not many girls would have the face to stand up to the daunting head of MI6 like that.

_Hang on, girl?_ She turned around, and Alex got a proper look at her for the first time. His partner looked about 14 years old. Before he could admire her undoubtedly stunningly perfect good looks, she spoke up again.

'A partner, you senile, power-hungry old man? I work alone and you know that. Do you remember the angst filled and incredibly tragic things that happened last time? Do you? Or has that slipped your mind due to your rising senility?' Before Blunt could say a word, she started up again.

'You ruin lives, and now you expect me to work with this idiot pretty-boy?'

_I may be pretty, but I'm not an idiot! _Alex opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to think of something incredibly witty to say.

'Well, do you talk, or are you mute as well as being a really pretty idiot?'

'How can you make me work with her?!!' Alex yelled at Blunt. 'And how could you employ some other innocent do your dirty work after all you put _me_ through?!'

"_After all you put me through…_Well get over it, loser! Tell someone who cares.'

Blunt interrupted the two.

'So that you get to know one another better, Alex, here is her file, and here is Alex's file. As you are working together, confidentiality is not an issue.'

Alex grudgingly opened the manila folder.

_**Subject's name: **__Wend'elle Edwid De'Mencha Diareara Ariana Beatrixe Isabelar Jordinne Faye Emerald Rav'en Darkness Worthington._

_**Date of Birth: **__25/12/1994 (1)_

_**Location: **__Currently lives with guardian Emily Harris on the outskirts of London._

_**History: **__Was born in Scotland and grew up with parents Alaric and Edwid De'Mencha, until Alaric was arrested on suspicions of abuse. Edwid De'Mencha moved to England, until Edwid was killed in a freak accident.* Unwilling for Alaric to look after Wend'elle Edwid De'Mencha Diareara Ariana Beatrixe Isabelar Jordinne Faye Emerald Rav'en Darkness, Edwid left her only daughter to Julia Rothman who raised her as Scorpia's top assassin. Worthington escaped, and began employment with MI6. She has completed twenty-seven missions so far and is one of our _

_best agents._

_**Skills: **__Is trained in sky diving, mountain climbing, has pilot's license, is a ninth grade Dan, trained in Karate and Jujitsu, can speak Japanese, Mandarin, Russian, Italian, Vietnamese, French, and Spanish. Worthington has driving licence, as she is skilled in forgery._

_*Edwid De'Mencha (see History) was squashed by a giant squid falling out of the sky. _

Wend'elle was staring at him, having finished his file minutes ago with her super-speed reading powers.

'You speak German?' she asked coolly.

'Er, yeah.' said Alex. He had been to busy trying to argue with her that he hadn't noticed her face properly. She was possibly of Greek or Italian descent, with dark, smooth skin. She had long, wavy dark brown hair, falling into shining tresses down her back that had been untouched during her dramatic entrance. She looked at him with dark, serene brown eyes, shimmering with flecks of hazel. He was entranced by her smooth, full lips and her high cheekbones.

He felt every single drop of his dignity slide out and fall onto the floor. He had hated her at first, but now he loved her for her attitude.

'Wend-elle' Alex said slowly, trying the name on his lips.

'Only my friends call me that. You, Mr. Pretty-Boy, are not my friend, and you will refer to me by my full name. Got that?'

Alex had barely heard what she said, as he was too busy indulging in an R rated fantasy.

'I said, got that?'

'What? Oh- right. Yes'

'Yes who?'

'Yes Wend-elle Ed-wed De'Mencha Diareara Ariana Beatrixe Isabelar Jordinne Faye Emerald Rav'en Darkness'

'THAT IS **NOT **HOW YOU SAY IT, YOU ILLITERATE MORON. My name is Wend'elle. Pronounced Wendell, like the boy's name. It's the female spelling, in case you haven't realised, and it means 'greatly intelligent, beautiful and spunky person' in old Japanese. Edwed is pronounced Edward, like that Mary-Sue of a vampire all my peers like to read. It means 'physical strength' in Italian. There's none of this Die-Are-Ree-Are-Ra crap. It's pronounced Die-Are-Ree-A, which means- WAKE UP!' she hissed, back-handing him across the face.

This was going to be a long mission.

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**(1)I know Alex is born in 1987 in the series, but in my version, he and Wend'elle are turning fifteen this year.**

**Anyway, this is a oneshot. I know it doesn't seem like one, but I can't continue this story. Why? Because my blood pressure is rising dangerously due to copying and pasting her name over and over again because it's too long and stupid to type.**

**And as much as I am disheartened by unusual lack of a witty author's note, homework awaits, sooo, review!**

* * *


End file.
